Hapana mrefu yasio na mwisho ~ There is no distance that has no end.

I apologize! Nairobi life and Western obligations have kept me too busy to post. Since my last post I have written three papers, create two presentations, attended numerous meetings for my externship, started working out again, figured my schedule for next semester and started my internship search for spring semester as well. As my mother always said, "You have time to sleep in your grave child!" I guess I take after her! Even tonight I had booked a safari for my dad and I and I was trying to coordinate our flight time from Nairobi to Cairo to be only a few hours after we arrived back Nairobi after our safari so that we could squeeze in a 6 day Nile excursion before heading Israel. The woman at the travel agency wrote me, "You are going to live a hundred years!" I guess she is implying I could slow down...I told her I don't have a lower gear. It's almost 2 am but I wanted to leave you all with my last paper that was returned. It was a second Critical Incident that I had to reflect on. There is a contest with this one: Find the parody of the play and be the first to leave a comment with the correct answer I will write a blog post on anything you wish to know about Nairobi or my study abroad experience. Sawasawa!





Wouldn’t You Beat Your Wife?




A play of the conversation that momentarily shattered the view a newly arrived coworker had of her male colleagues. The tension of the topic burned under the hot Nairobi sun. The fiery exchange between different gendered, aged and cultured coworkers over a most uncomfortable subject was only intensified by the heat and pace of their walk through the dusty alleyways of Arebik. The gentlemen unreservedly honest in the delivery of their description of the behavior of the peers traumatized the extern. Immediately an introspective dialogue began to run in mind of the young girl to calculate the impact of her colleague’s words. As they rounded the corner to their office to continue with the day’s agenda the conversation ended without resolution.


Nairobi, Kenya
Playwright: Justine Raschio





Characters:

Girl

The Conscience of the Girl

Gentleman I

Gentleman II

Roommate I

Roommate II



ACT I: It can’t be so?

Three coworkers exit a fundraising meeting uneasy and hurry back to their office to gather equipment for the pageant practice for the upcoming community awareness event. The three are treading abreast through the streets debating among themselves over a controversial subject.

Girl’s conscience: The words in conversation that really matter are always in Kiswahili. I can never follow long enough to understand.

Girl: I wish I understood what you two were laughing about. I hope either I learn enough Kiswahili so I can eventually understand or you two gentlemen will translate the conversations for me.

Gentleman I: (smiling) We are laughing because we are teasing each other about beating our wives.

Girl’s conscience: No way. No wonder they didn’t speak in English!

Girl: Why would you beat your wife?

Gentleman II: I would beat her if she made a mistake in washing my clothing or in making my tea. I may even hurt her if she spent too much time outside the home with her friends.

Gentleman I: Hmm, ha ha, I would even beat her if she didn’t make the dinner I was hoping for.

Girl’s conscience: These two men are outstanding progressive members of Arebik. They beat their wives. Either The contradictory duality of their lives is astonishing or there is a colossal misunderstanding of their jocularity.

Girl: You two think your wives would be deserving of a beating for simple domestic oversights?

Gentlemen: (in chorus) Yes!

Girl’s conscience: I can’t believe this. I held these men in the highest regard of personal integrity and compassion. And they beat their wives over mistakes avoidable through clearer communication.

Girl: Have you considered washing your own clothing or making your own tea to avoid needing to ask your wife to do it differently? I understand that men and women traditionally stick closely to the roles engendered to be masculine or feminine here, but regular communication about household expectations between man and wife can help prevent more serious actions.

Gentleman I: I don’t consider beating my wife to be taking a serious action. It is out of concern for her that I would beat her. If she had not been able to understand how to perform her domestic duties through my words sometimes a beating would provide the necessary clarification.

Gentleman II: Beating our wives is an age old disciplinary practice created by our male ancestors to help us control our wives in the household. We do not beat them cruelly; we beat them to demonstrate how their domestic mistakes displease us. We beat them to show we love them and trust in their capacity to properly perform their household duties. They should worry when we stop beating them.

Girl’s conscience: To beat someone is to demonstrate violence not love. However, this contemporary widespread acceptance of physical discipline could be attributed to the legends young men have heard through oral storytelling. I have never heard an oral narrative, but having read plenty of African literature. I do know that domestic discipline is not rare at least in rural areas and may even be commonly accepted. Make sure to understand the whole situation before passing any judgment.

Girl: It is clear that the practice of beating wives is embedded in the hearts and minds of young men, but I do not agree that violence shows a woman her husband loves her. I think non-violent, verbal or non-verbal communication is always the key to resolving conflict, and if one line of communication fails…

Gentleman I: Then you must beat her…

Girl: No. Then another must be tried. If all lines of communication have failed then as a couple they must brainstorm together alternative forms of conflict resolution. It is totally barbaric to beat any human being, let alone your very own wife whom you love.

Gentlemen: Put yourself in our shoes. If she always made mistakes, wouldn’t you beat your wife?

Girl’s conscience: I can’t believe they would ask me to consider beating another human being, let alone a woman. For goodness sakes, I am a woman!

The coworkers are approaching the last corner before they reach the door to their shared office. The two gentlemen are laughing with the girl. Neither of the gentlemen is remotely concerned by the frown on her face. As the three enter the office the conversation is closed.

ACT II: Is it really so?

After work the girl rides a bus home wondering what her female roommates will think when she describes her lunchtime conversation with her coworkers. For the next two hours of her Kiswahili class the girl reflects on her contribution to the conversation to judge her reaction to her colleagues’ aggressive tradition, but without further consultation she would not be convinced of her appropriateness in that situation.

Roommate I: Hey you! How was work today?

Girl: It was one of the best so far, except for an alarming discussion I had with two of my coworkers about domestic abuse.

Roommate II: Domestic abuse? What did they say and what was your reaction?

Girl: (soberly) They told me how they would beat their wives for trivial mistakes in the house. They explained that they would beat them to teach them a lesson never to make the same mistake again. I felt as though they view their counterparts as children. It was very discouraging to hear what I considered to be gentlemen speaking so disrespectfully about their wives.

Roommates: (speechless) They would beat their wives?

Girl’s conscience: I am reassured that they reacted the same as I did when they heard what my coworkers had said. Is it because we are all American or is it because we are all women?

Girl: I guess. I was also surprised until I remembered that it has been a common household custom on this continent for generations. It seemed almost ironic to hear the gentlemen whom I consider to be avant-garde community members confess to upholding an outdated social custom of domestic abuse. I expressed my opposing opinion clearly and calmly but as the conversation closed neither viewpoint had surrendered and we were forced to agree to disagree on the matter of beating a woman.

Roommate I: Will you be able to continue work?

Girl: Of course. We are different people from different cultures with drastically different opinions of treatment of women. I realize our difference of opinion is rooted in cultural value systems and that our values have been enculturated in us since childhood and do not stand to be changed in a lunchtime dialogue. My work with my coworkers will only be affected if they discipline me for my mistakes the way they discipline their wives. Until that day, our differences will remain neutral in the office.


Epilogue: It isn’t so.

The following day the girl is in Arebik and she is walking back to the office with one of the gentleman. They stop at a small hotel to eat lunch before a pageant practice.

Gentleman II: Shall we eat chapati and maharagwe at this hotel?

Girl: Ndio. I was hoping to eat soon! Twende.

Gentleman II: I wanted to catch up with you since we haven’t had a chance to chat since you began working in Arebik.

The gentleman goes on to tell the girl his family history, his reasons for living in Arebik and his passion for community development. He also tells the girl about the woman he is hoping to marry.

Girl: I apologize if this offends you but I have to ask. Would you beat your girlfriend? I am asking only because I was confused yesterday whether you two gentlemen were speaking about yourselves when you spoke of beating your wives…

Gentleman II: (chuckling, and then in a most stern voice) I can only speak for myself but I would never beat a woman. I cannot speak for the other gentleman, but I can surely tell you that I would never harm another human, let alone a woman.

Girl’s conscience: I feel relieved. I had obviously misinterpreted their stories yesterday.

Girl: (reassured) Thank you. I needed clarification. I misinterpreted yesterday’s conversation.

Gentleman II: It is no problem; we were just testing your feeling on the subject. Should we be going?

Girl’s conscience: He had finally translated the situation so that I could understand the full conversation. I realized that we are simply young professionals who have been given a perfect opportunity to bounce cross cultural thoughts between each other. Our conversation was a learning moment that forced me to reconsider comments and events before jumping to conclusions about seemingly bizarre cross cultural practices. I will have to remember this I the future.

Girl: Ah hah, I finally understand. The laughing and provocative questions yesterday were a test! Don’t tell me whether I passed! (laughing) Let’s go.